American Idol Season 7 Winner: David Cook

AI is becoming ANTM. With Simon, Paula, and Randy becoming media icons, the winners themselves are going in and out of Hollywood. It seems like just yesterday Kelly Clarkson won the title from that curly haired guy and tried so hard to keep her new found fame.

Every year I stop watching as the singing improves providing myself with less chuckles and confusion at how a decent human being can sum up the courage to not only sing in front of the most judging nation in the world but also justify their howling with the fact that "well everybody else says I'm good". I'm sure Simon is suffering the same thing.

This year was no different. I haven't really followed AI thouroughly since Rubben Studdard and Clay Aiken and every time the winner is pronounced I just give the show a fraction of a second of my attention and then overlap that memory with something more important. Carrie Underwood is different because, as annoying as country music is, there's something about her voice, either too powerful or too annoying, that keeps me from forgetting her. Or maybe it's the fact that she seems to win in every single award show.

So this time, due to lack of writing and creativity, I had to involve myself in some AI shambuggle [okay I totally made that word up]. I did remember The Nanny, The Aussie, The Guy With The Really Flippy Hair & Attidude, David Archuleta, The Hallelujah Guy and more recently David Cook.

So why not, since I'm beginning to update this blog again [and again and again and again and again and again.....] to watch the Finale. This two hour finale consisted of many forgettable performances which made me switch numerous times to FashionTelevision's rerun of Top Model [Prep]. As I switched back, "Apologize" was on and it only made me realize, more now, the miracle of music technology because as great as the falsettos were at the end, the "Too Lateeeeee" was a bit bothering.

I switched again and switched back at about 5 minutes to watch George Michael, Paula this time not drunk but suffering from RLS or more like RAS because the woman was probably ten million times more enthusiastic than Simon will ever be or maybe the men on the show have been trained by special agents to be numb before the show's premiere.

Anyways, despite all that suspense David Cook won. Archuleta was visually upset and yes I can tell because people our age see that face way too often. It's that face when you get 99 percent in Algebra I and then get all dissapointed because you deserved that extra 1 percent. Archie should know that he already won. Even trailing 12 million votes, he already won. Now, in America, since people are just too good or too bad, being second means, big bucks and big parties AS WELL.

That's right, they always let a pirate win.

Hahahahaha. I'm tired, losing my patience and sense of humor, if I ever had one.

Gossip Girl Season 1 Finale: Who Knew New Yorkers Were This Boring?

I've been following Gossip Girl on and off since the season premier. Being from California it was hard to swallow that they tried to move "The O.C." to Manhattan. Okay you can deny that and say Gossip Girl is totally different, that the east coast and the west coast are totally different, and the wardrobe is so much chicer. Whatever. The cast resembled the cast from Newport Beach from the very beginning but yes, I was sucked in by the over the top outfits and over the top drama.

Not only is Gossip Girl the epitomy of every little girl's dream but it's a bit of a laugh for the rest of us. Of course, who knew that the most prestigious Prep schools are the training grounds for pre-Cirque du Soleil wannabes. I have a hard time comprehending how Prep schools do allow their students to dress like the the Mardi Gras parades, how they spend most of their academic time on the steps outside the schools practicing their "English", or how Buckingham Palace grew legs and swam to Upper West Side and tossed its Royal residents out and incorporated itself with New York's whores and bores.

But speaking of royal families, I must say other than the manners [insert jokes here], the marijuana [insert some more jokes here] and other numerous daily customs [or so UPN says] they have much in common. Oddly everybody in Manhattan is from the same family! They all married their cousins, their children are falling in love as their parents are falling in love, YES, all with each other. Uh, I don't know if news travels slow on the Atlantic but just so you know, even the Windsors are looking at commoners. And just in case you are scratching your head, a commoner means "one who wears clothing from Old Navy, whose schools do not include the word 'academy', and whose annual salary is equivalent to one of your huge shopping binges."

Can a human being really have that much drama? It seems like Serena has a whole bunch of people coming back to remind her of her old life. Wow, last time I heard of a person with so much popularity was when the FBI were trying to find America's Most Wanted. They manage to get into the deepest shit and when the writers get stuck, something totally illogical happens, making the perky blonde and the bitchy brunette seem like Yale engineering students [sorry Yale, didn't mean the insult].

It is important that their target audience realize that they are being lied to. Schools do not allow over the top neon dresses, not all mothers own Valentino dresses for others to steal, and most of all, being a bitch and thinking something illogical will happen, will not solve your problems.

BUT the huge question for me was that why was the finale so boring? The Georgina problem was solved, Lily loves another guy, Lily gets married, Serena and Dan break up, and Chuck leaves Blair with an intern interior designer as Blair waits with a hot guy on the verge of an European trip for the summer.

I take summer school and there's much more entertainment than that. Freaking out at physics word problems is more entertaining than that [well, after you figure out the answer and hit yourself for being so stupid or gullible]. Wow, how great it is to know that I have better summers & I can write better than the weekly Monday gossip shit.

UPN it's time to hire a real Shakespeare or steal stuff from TMZ.

Hilary Is Your Bowl Lady

According to Strange New Products, the 2008 US Presidential elections have had some weird outcomes. As these candidates settle in with their new found fame, inventors can find themselves working with a little too much inspiration.

Whether you are political or not, everybody needs to clean their toilet bowl once in a while. It's a daunting task that most try to avoid but let's just say, unless you excrete clear substances, one day the muck will haunt you.

So scared to be on your own? Why not get the toughest lady of the white house to help you out. Hilary Clinton grew out an afro just for helping you be a little bit more hygienic.

If you think your bowl needs a good wash, visit http://www.theoriginalbowlbuddy.com for details on how you can support the Clinton campaign from your washroom.

Now if only they had Bill's liquid bowl cleaner to go around. Oh, I think I'll go call Monica Lewinsky to see if I could borrow a cup.