The Incredible $99/mo Receptionist Service

Your business is ascending up, clients are good, plenty of paperwork, sounds good doesn't it? But of all your work and the hassle of getting the right secretary, why worry when you can have her [or him] through cyberspace.

All your work, all your client's calls, faxes, voice mail, basically all that a regular secretary does, is included. She works from 8-8[EST] doing all the work she needs to do.

You can save your business a lot of money, make your business ahead of the game and like the provider says "be closer to the Fortune 500". Check out http://www.answer99.com/ and try the Complete Office for $99/mo!

OMG: The iPhone and the Blender.

Some people really have too much time on their hands.

While journeying through Youtube the other day I realized that there were some uploaded videos from the Blendtec guy. Having previously watched him blend Guitar Hero because "it does not play Beach Boys", this man must be out of his mind.

And he is. After the much hyped sensational, blah blah, of the new iPhone [which so far, I have seen NOBODY buy one, use one, or want anything more than just to try it out] he decided to blend his old one.

After the blade tapped on the metal case, the thing snapped in half, and then all its parts crumbled out and then it started its process of being ground.

In the end, as the cover was opened, ismoke fumed out while the metal grey powder was poured out.

Seriously, instead of proving your wacko blender can grate itechnology into pieces, why not do a little nice gesture and give it to somebody. Donate it, sell it on ebay, or maybe just throw away.

But BLEND it? Seriously WTF. However, I might by the blender because if it can grate metal, then I guess a smoothie is kindergarten work.


Notice the creepy smile he has. Somebody has a fetish for the destruction of Apple. Could Gates have a hand in this?

BlueBerry: Frozen Yogurt on Robson

If you ever happen to visit downtown Vancouver [that's in Canada btw] and you happen to visit the upbeat Robson Street or you happen to live at the Riviera or you happen to be trekking home from one of the beaches, or maybe you just deserve something sweet yet healthy, wow what a run on sentence btw!, you have to visit Blueberry Frozen Yogurt.



I never really liked frozen yogurt, but yesterday was way too hot just to be accompanied by a lukewarm [ew, I know] double shot on ice. So we "thought" it was another one of those italian gelatos and we watched two girls walk out with a melange of different colors ontop of some white cream.

The inside of Blueberry is pastel washed, I don't quite remember of what hues, but this lazy, washed out color of orange and blue. I say I don't remember because I was captivated by the yogurt scooper's and the cashier girl's beaming grins. I walk up, mesmerized by the upbeat attitude of the store [odd too because there's was no music, just the chorus of people talking outside], and totally forget to check out the menu. I just ask for what the previous two ladies asked for and I get the VIP yogurt topping treatment.

You get three choices, of the size of the cup and if you aren't particularly in love with yogurt, choose the small size because they do like to pile the yogurt high. It ranges from 3-5 dollars for the yogurt in the cup and 99 cents for the first topping and I think 1.45 for each topping afterwards. I might but wrong on the extra toppings prices since I was too busy mentally questioning how Canadians plant giant blackberries.

Anyways as they assemble the blackberries ringing alonside the snow white yogurt, I walked to the bulletin board, probably the size of a placemat, and on it were extremely happy yogurt hoppers from all across the world. There were crazy Euro fans cheering for Spain and laid back tourists from Lakewood, California. [Cali should come claim their title for huge fruit].

The taste? Tart blackberries bursting in my mouth, dyeing my teeth violet, as the teeny bit sour yogurt smothers the rest of my mouth. Perfect, as the sun beat across my face.

They are as pricey as Italian gelato, but definitely more healthy, more Canadian, and more fruity. I know most people who visit Vancouver aren't necessarily looking for dairy products [but you must know we do have great cows.....], but who knows. Yogurt, as Blueberry makes it, is quite the charm.

Ode To Sam Mendes: It's Not That Bad

Or maybe I'm just not the type that "retires to the men's room to jerk off". [Sorry, Lester. I'm just not flawed. Or maybe I'm just too vain to admit it. You like it, you liked when Mena pulled it off.]

3 Reasons Why I Prefer Suburbia More Than Big Cities

Fortunately for me, I’ve been raised exactly half my life in a suburban neighborhood and in a few big cities. I enjoyed many more vacations and suffered through many more relocations and most of my friends, you can probably all conclude that, stability has never been a factor in my life. Based on these experiences in the world’s greatest and worst cities and towns I’ve gathered all the different lifestyles I possibly could and I, without a doubt, believe that the suburb is a better place to live.

1. Safety. If you don’t this little info about suburbia don’t be surprised. This concept all started, based on some sources, when groups of people decided to move away from social chaos a couple of hundred of years ago. I don’t believe entirely that this is the truth but definitely this was a move to change the way of living for future generations. You can definitely tell by comparing the statistics of crimes in suburban neighborhoods and big cities. In my town, I remember that the only crime ever was a man walking to close to a woman therefore making him a stalker. Then as I turn on the TV, all I here is that “there has been another shooting in Oakland”.

As my family was relocating [again], my mom’s routine was to send a couple boxes each morning to the post office before heading to work. The boxes were huge and one day she left forgetting to close and lock our front door. I was already at school and seven hours later when I walked home, I had the tough decision whether or not to go in. I did, eventually, and nothing was one millimeter misplaced. When I told my friends what had happened, they all laughed and said, “This is the suburbs, we don’t need to steal anything”.

2. Better Education. I always took summer school, not because I couldn’t keep up, more like learning it first to prevent “not keeping up”. The school system was quite brutal, challenging the “dumb Americans” standards, almost the same as the schooling in Asia. After you are born there, you had 4 years of freedom and frolicking in the Californian sun, but right when August started you were pushed into the education wave. Your goal from being merely 4 years old is to “get to Stanford and make us proud”. All our friends are competitors and all the fun we ever had on weekdays was comparing homework answers [of course we hit the malls on weekends]. During summer it wasn’t that our families couldn’t afford a vacation, heck, our families would double the vacation account and pay for numerous summer school classes. We didn’t go out and buy crayons and mechanical pencils; I had my first SAT book at 9.

You’d probably think that that’s pretty bad but believe me, I’d rather be learning and competing then being stuck in where I am right now. Now in the city, I sit in my classes everyday wondering what these kids learn. I wonder if their parents even care about the lack of education their children are receiving. I would say I’m about 2 years ahead [not to brag or anything] and I’m staying, hey I’m not dumb, I don’t need to skip a grade, might as well take it easy for now. But come on, I remember that my competition is in California. We’re still learning Pythagoras while they were learning advanced geometry and proving theorems.

I’d have to say we were a lot like robots though. We were all programmed to be successful and those who weren’t needed to be debugged. In the city, you’re parents didn’t love you if they didn’t buy you a Louis Vuitton. In the suburbs, you’re parents didn’t love you if they didn’t buy that multi-million dollar house so they could send their kids to the best school in the district. It tends to get annoying when you realize these kids really have no life at all with all this education they’re diving themselves into but really, education means success.

3. More Good Characters. I hate walking to downtown and seeing a bunch of homeless people on the streets. I hate how arrogant the people are there. I hate the honking and the swearing and the shoving. I don’t hate homeless people; I hate myself for not being able to help them. I hate myself for not being able to teach arrogant people to learn to be nice. I hate myself for not being able to fine people for the honking, the unnecessary swearing, and the rude shoving. Back in suburbia, I don’t have to deal with all this. I don’t have to worry about spending my lunch money on lunch or the guy sitting there without a meal for days. I can do my work in peace [though suburbans don’t signal when they drive which may cause a few honks here and there]. My friends’ parents all went to university, all have incredibly high paying jobs, and all respect where they live. I don’t have to sit in my math class and listen to the guy next to me sell cocaine [at the cheapest price on the market right now!]. I don’t have to know that somebody in our grade is a prostitute. And most of all, I don’t have to tell the people I love that my school has a daycare center for some of our students who decide [or didn’t] to have kids.

Don’t get my wrong, suburbans aren’t all perfect. There are numerous shows and movies that mock the way we live and the way we act. American Beauty, ironically one of my favorite movies of all time, portrays suburbans as “nothing more than ordinary”. Desperate Housewives proves that all of us who live in suburbia have “dirty laundry”. Sure we’re not perfect and we have lots of dirty laundry, but hey, we’d clean it up faster than you city folks.

Another Thing To Rant About

I'm sure as you start to relax during the summer you also start to realize all the of nooks and crannies that don't seem to be on your good side. Maybe, since you have time now, you feel angered by the sound of cars up and down your street, or maybe the fact that not enough cars are up and down your street because you finally had the courage to look at the gas pricing, or maybe, inevitably, the sight of your own self after failing to stick to your "Tone Your Body For Summer" plan. Whatever, it's your time now to "take the time" to pick out the flaws that you didn't have the time to see during the rest of the year. Just in case you look next door and brew up hate for your neighbor, why not share it with the rest of us?

Rottenneighbor.com started as a site for normal people to take out their anger on their neighbors whether it be, loud neighbors, showboat neighbors, or the trendy "neighbor espionage". According to its users, they tell us that people nowadays no longer walk up to the neighbor, knock on the door, and actually discuss their issues [what's the point anyways?] so why not gossip about them online? I'm sure there is a scientific reasoning to the fact that we get off on feeling each other's neighborly pain. I'm also sure that if you've got a nasty story to tell, the realty paparazzi will be more that happy to hear you out.

Why not eh? Why not solve problems nowadays like teenage girls and talk behind peoples' backs, since, hey, you deserve it. So what it's summer? You still deserve that lipservice. My neighbor is a fatass who always spies on our barbeque grill, my neighbor is a freaky old lady with too many cats that end up in our yard, my neighbor has a weed garden that he never trims and never smokes, my neighbor is a dumbass who always drop the u's and has time for useless crap like this.

That's right Canada, your neighbor doesn't care about u.

American Idol Season 7 Winner: David Cook

AI is becoming ANTM. With Simon, Paula, and Randy becoming media icons, the winners themselves are going in and out of Hollywood. It seems like just yesterday Kelly Clarkson won the title from that curly haired guy and tried so hard to keep her new found fame.

Every year I stop watching as the singing improves providing myself with less chuckles and confusion at how a decent human being can sum up the courage to not only sing in front of the most judging nation in the world but also justify their howling with the fact that "well everybody else says I'm good". I'm sure Simon is suffering the same thing.

This year was no different. I haven't really followed AI thouroughly since Rubben Studdard and Clay Aiken and every time the winner is pronounced I just give the show a fraction of a second of my attention and then overlap that memory with something more important. Carrie Underwood is different because, as annoying as country music is, there's something about her voice, either too powerful or too annoying, that keeps me from forgetting her. Or maybe it's the fact that she seems to win in every single award show.

So this time, due to lack of writing and creativity, I had to involve myself in some AI shambuggle [okay I totally made that word up]. I did remember The Nanny, The Aussie, The Guy With The Really Flippy Hair & Attidude, David Archuleta, The Hallelujah Guy and more recently David Cook.

So why not, since I'm beginning to update this blog again [and again and again and again and again and again.....] to watch the Finale. This two hour finale consisted of many forgettable performances which made me switch numerous times to FashionTelevision's rerun of Top Model [Prep]. As I switched back, "Apologize" was on and it only made me realize, more now, the miracle of music technology because as great as the falsettos were at the end, the "Too Lateeeeee" was a bit bothering.

I switched again and switched back at about 5 minutes to watch George Michael, Paula this time not drunk but suffering from RLS or more like RAS because the woman was probably ten million times more enthusiastic than Simon will ever be or maybe the men on the show have been trained by special agents to be numb before the show's premiere.

Anyways, despite all that suspense David Cook won. Archuleta was visually upset and yes I can tell because people our age see that face way too often. It's that face when you get 99 percent in Algebra I and then get all dissapointed because you deserved that extra 1 percent. Archie should know that he already won. Even trailing 12 million votes, he already won. Now, in America, since people are just too good or too bad, being second means, big bucks and big parties AS WELL.

That's right, they always let a pirate win.

Hahahahaha. I'm tired, losing my patience and sense of humor, if I ever had one.

Gossip Girl Season 1 Finale: Who Knew New Yorkers Were This Boring?

I've been following Gossip Girl on and off since the season premier. Being from California it was hard to swallow that they tried to move "The O.C." to Manhattan. Okay you can deny that and say Gossip Girl is totally different, that the east coast and the west coast are totally different, and the wardrobe is so much chicer. Whatever. The cast resembled the cast from Newport Beach from the very beginning but yes, I was sucked in by the over the top outfits and over the top drama.

Not only is Gossip Girl the epitomy of every little girl's dream but it's a bit of a laugh for the rest of us. Of course, who knew that the most prestigious Prep schools are the training grounds for pre-Cirque du Soleil wannabes. I have a hard time comprehending how Prep schools do allow their students to dress like the the Mardi Gras parades, how they spend most of their academic time on the steps outside the schools practicing their "English", or how Buckingham Palace grew legs and swam to Upper West Side and tossed its Royal residents out and incorporated itself with New York's whores and bores.

But speaking of royal families, I must say other than the manners [insert jokes here], the marijuana [insert some more jokes here] and other numerous daily customs [or so UPN says] they have much in common. Oddly everybody in Manhattan is from the same family! They all married their cousins, their children are falling in love as their parents are falling in love, YES, all with each other. Uh, I don't know if news travels slow on the Atlantic but just so you know, even the Windsors are looking at commoners. And just in case you are scratching your head, a commoner means "one who wears clothing from Old Navy, whose schools do not include the word 'academy', and whose annual salary is equivalent to one of your huge shopping binges."

Can a human being really have that much drama? It seems like Serena has a whole bunch of people coming back to remind her of her old life. Wow, last time I heard of a person with so much popularity was when the FBI were trying to find America's Most Wanted. They manage to get into the deepest shit and when the writers get stuck, something totally illogical happens, making the perky blonde and the bitchy brunette seem like Yale engineering students [sorry Yale, didn't mean the insult].

It is important that their target audience realize that they are being lied to. Schools do not allow over the top neon dresses, not all mothers own Valentino dresses for others to steal, and most of all, being a bitch and thinking something illogical will happen, will not solve your problems.

BUT the huge question for me was that why was the finale so boring? The Georgina problem was solved, Lily loves another guy, Lily gets married, Serena and Dan break up, and Chuck leaves Blair with an intern interior designer as Blair waits with a hot guy on the verge of an European trip for the summer.

I take summer school and there's much more entertainment than that. Freaking out at physics word problems is more entertaining than that [well, after you figure out the answer and hit yourself for being so stupid or gullible]. Wow, how great it is to know that I have better summers & I can write better than the weekly Monday gossip shit.

UPN it's time to hire a real Shakespeare or steal stuff from TMZ.